michanchan

Almost had a break down if it came to it. So last Saturday, I was sick with a low temp fever. Shivers all around. So I was not able to work Saturday. Thankfully, there was no market so Heather wasn't really swamped with such a large work load. To make up for skipping out on my hours, I made them up Sunday. Then I had my shift Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to cover my hours for the week because I'm going to Jackie's Wedding this weekend. I have to go into the bakery Friday morning to start the cake and icing. Fun. So if you can not really judge from the description, I look horrible. Pale and sickly, and sometimes with a cough. I did manage to catch up on sleep Tuesday, and hopefully I got enough last night. Jackie, I dont think I can put the dragon on the cake Like I wanted and had originally planned due to timing with the bakery and whatnot. (I dont really know how tall or wide the cake is going to be because it isn't baked yet and i want your cake to be as fresh as possible.) I've also undergo so much stress that i have shead a lot of hair D:. Today I get ingredents and finish making final purchases on hardware (cake boards... hopefully i can just buy one of each *crosses fingers*)

Yesterday I got home from work feeling very weak and cold. I ate some popcorn and took a small nap on the couch. I got up when shawn got home and we went grocery shopping. Got home and i went to sleep like i usually do for work. I kept waking up and and complained I was really cold even though I have a big thick blanklet wrapped around me. Shawn took my temp, and it was below normal standard by at least a few degress... i think 97.0 and i had a fever. I was bobbing around, weak, tired and sickly. This morning i sat up, "I need to call heather..." he did for me and told her I was too sick to work. And i slept the rest of the morning away. I feel really guilty about heather and I will give her a present to make up for it.

I also had a nightmare that I was killing everyone I knew who i felt hostle to, met up with a friend who cosplayed as vash the stampeede for a long time (and he was a damn good one). Went to his place and woke up with my dad watching over me (in my dream). it was weird and there was lots of running away...

Today's run = 53:54.7 - I also saw a Doe on my way back from hitting the roswell border. I ran really hard a few times and was out of breath. It felt really really good. Ah my face is really cool to the touch and so are my legs.

So I know where my wallet is. kinda. Someone stole it from the movies, and tried to use it renting a DVD. All my cards are canceled and whatnot...

My main mission today... find my wallet while cleaning the apartment.

Checklist:
1. Laundry
2. Fold Laundry and put away
3. Organize Living Room
4. Organize Computer Room
5. Organize Bedroom
6. Create Check List for Groceries
7. Run... RUN LONG AND HARD!
8. Pamper self to well present myself to my parents

is still missing. Went out to eat steak... had mine Med Rare. MMM BLOOD! I dunno why, I feel very carnivourous lately and wild... Shit i have the hiccups bad and it's causing a bad heart burn. PS changed my icons to half being wolves... LOVE!

fuck that shit. it's a stupid concept and I can understand that everyone in the country will be happy to gain an hour and sulk when we lose it in the spring... and that it makes sense with our internal alarm clock but still it's stupid. I'm looking forward to a nice long run in the crisp morning air. Sweat shorts, a t-shirt, a light jacket, my running shoes, and my ipod. I'm exicited, i feel like a wild animal running out.

I just woke up an hour ago. I've been asleep since I got home from work. Looking forward to next week though, because our par sheets are really light and I do not have to stress over stuff.

Tonight is halloween, which means tomorrow ALL THE CANDY IS ON SALE! Just wait, I'm going to go from a size 7 to a size 10 in a matter of 2 weeks. damn.

If i were to cosplay tonight... my choice would either be Momo Hinamori from Bleach or Revy from Black Lagoon.

enjoy:



ps - happy halloween all you hallo-weeners

So i went to pick my brother up after work. he called 3 hours after i got off work. I was stuck in traffic for 2 hours. I picked up some dishes from my parents. A tea pot with 2 chai glasses that have little bamboo painted all over it in a simple sumi style. A ceramaic sake set with cherry blossom buds painted on it with 2 matching square sake cups. A Green glass vase. Two bamboo ceramaic mini dishes. Three rice bowls. I'll take photos of it later.

Speaking of photos... I went through my photo albums at home and viewed all my photos from when I was in middle school to high school to when my hair was short to now how it's long. So much of me has changed. Of course my hair has gotten longer, but I look younger than I did before. In high school I looked 25ish, and now that i'm 26... I think I look at least 18 to 20.

oh I also went to bath and body works yesterday, I picked up 3 delish body sprays; Midnight Pomigranate, Moonlit path, and Warm Vanilla Sugar. One smells sexy, one smells seductive, and the other smells like a long night of cuddling. Buy 3 get one free. I got each one for $12.00 so my total was around $25 with tax. Each flavor has a nice smell to meditate to.

today was nothing but stress... and in end result... my face is pale, my eyes are red and i have dark circles under them. I only ate 1/2 a blueberry muffin all day and drank coffee + apple cider this morning at work. I know, i should take better care of myself... but my appatite isn't high at the moment.

sorry, can't sleep.. too much noise coming from the computer room....

I'm back in my bedroom. The same bedroom I left undisturbed when I moved out. It looks the same, feels the same, smells the same... but i'm not comfortible in it. My dog has gone delusional, he's currently licking the floor... but i forgive him, he's 15 after all. My brother is stuck with a hangover and is farsighted blind because he left his glasses somewhere, my father is asleep, my mother is at work... nothing to really do. I sorted out the clothes I dont really want anymore and wish to donate. what else is there to do? I guess i can read... but not in the mood. it's such a pretty day outside.

Kiba on yahoo just told me that Kakashi DIED AND WAS REVIVED?! WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?! KALE DID YOU KNOW?!

This morning i woke up early for my doctor's appointment. I went to the hospital location where I went last year. New doctor, new office, new management. oh shit. I asked the person up front if they had the address of the office i was suppose to be at. She did. I was a few minutes late to my appointment, but everything was alright. Papsmear... yup, cold cold tools. Dr. Barrett is such a funny guy. He said to his nurse, "I had my swine flu shot today, my arm from the shoulder to the elbow is still numb... *whine* my poor immune system." I just laughed, he always knows how to advert attention away from the situation. He gave me the clear. I'm healthy. But I wanted to make sure of some problems I had endured before. So i had some blood work done. First they tried to take blood from my right arm, darn vein ran away. Then they suggested my hands... no thanks. So they tried in my left arm, success and dex +10 on finding a good vein to get blood from. Honestly, it felt like mining for gold or something trying to find the right vein. So 2 days i get my blood results back, 2 weeks i get my paps back. Also i'm the same weight as I was last year go figure. only a 1lb off difference. Maybe this should be an annual goal and work out majorly before my year exam.

ps lauren claimed that there's a place in marietta square that makes better fish and chips than the ones we had in London. Let's see how this will go.

pss billy (my coworker) is sweet. I told him i celebrated my birthday and he asked me how old i was... "you're what... 21... 22?" 'thank you that's flattering and sweet, but i'm 26.' "no shit?" 'no shit.'

Just got home from a busy shift. Lots to do, Lots to be done, Lots of stuff to be made, and Lots of planning. I'm sorry to those who tried to call me... i never got a chance to charge my phone last night and it died while i was on my shift.

Birthday Bash History:
Went to Lauren's, got to eat pizza (yummy). Watched Clerks 2 which is a whole lot better than 1. Had a few smokes outside lauren's window. Yelled at some people breaking into the empty house next door and prevent them from taking anything. had a long heartful discussion with her. started watching Fight Club, got to the mid part after Durdan met back up with Bitch Tits Bob. Got home at 11, slept for an hour, went to work... hung over. I drank like 4 or 5 martinis that lauren made and was still smelling like clove cigs. worked for 12 hours, and now i'm here... half full since my sandwich is half eatten... i also got some pasta salad and some califlower. tonight... beef ramen, yay!

It wasn't easy. It never is. It plagued my mind for so long and it might have been a point in life where I have to realize that there's something I need to do for myself... for once.

I've sacrificed so much of myself in the past, forced myself to find my clicks and figure out what was happiness. Throughout my life, I've been the person to merge into different groups to figure out who I was and yet I never have. I sit here with tears in my eyes, an bottomless pit in my stomach and the urdge to throw up. It's time to confess.

yes, these past 7 years i will cherish. And I do love you as a good friend, but I dont see a future. I am not experienced with relationships and dont know how they are really suppose to work. Others say, go with your gut or go with your intuation. mine really say... nothing. I've always belived in "Go with the Flow" as my pholophy and damn it all to hell, my spelling is surely fucked up. I dont care. To everyone I am Truely Sorry.

Yesterday at shannon and joel's wedding, I realized how much they loved each other over the silliest of things. Either it be rockband, or singing songs about zombies and people. And seeing how social everyone was and the groups settled, fitting comfortible together. I thought to myself... why am I here where do I fit in? What best qualities I have in myself... well the only thing I can define for myself is... I'm a good artist... or I was a good artist. I was a good violinist... and i'm a good pastry chef... This isn't how I wanted things to turn out but they did. Maybe I've gone through Karma on the good side and have never delt with it's ugly bad side. Is this suppose to feel this painful? Is there suppose to be this many tears in my eyes? I have such a huge guilt feeling within me, it's just not right.

I know there is someone out there who is better than me. Someone who is more understanding and willing to try out all the intrest you have.

I've always known the first year is rough... and it dropped downhill too fast for me. Maybe I'm stuck in my old ways, I'm sorry, I can't change myself or who I am. I've always been the person people ask advice of yet I have no one to talk to about my own. Skeletins in my closet? possibly not. The way I have been since a child, I've always said stuff that people want to hear... "Yes, you look pretty in that" or "Yes, someday it will happen" or "Sure..."

Is it wrong to say, I feel like I havn't grown at all. Not physically, but mentally? I feel as if I'm still 20 even though i will be 26 in the next day or two. happy fucking early birthday to me...

right now i feel like I'm in dire need of a smoke... or 20 smokes and a good beer. I've never been waisted drunk before, scared of it. Scared of it like many other things in my life but death. The only thing I'm accustom to now is pain and embrassing death.

First off... Congratulations to Shannon & Joel on their successful, tearful, and hardcore rock out wedding ceremony yesterday. Best Wishes~.

Now, onwards to my journey from yesterday:
Actually, I have to backtrack to the previous Wednesday. Greg, the one in charge of the number of pars for whole sale account clients and market, said to me before leaving... "Saturday is going to be busy, think you can handle the madness?" 'Whatever you put down, Heather & I will try our best to get it out.' that mistake was a my bad.

Now to Saturday. Heather and I come in on time and look at all the production that the Bread team has produced. "Wow that's a crap load of bread" and Robyn (one of the bread managers) replied, "if any of this comes back... i'm going to either quit or kill somebody." Our production list consisted of more then 200 pastries... shit. Heather goes back to pull out all the croissant and danish stuff we have in stock, and I start on the muffins and scones. 30 Bran Muffins, 50 Blueberry Muffins, 35 cinnamon & Raisan scone, and 15 whole wheat scones. Well be damned... We get everything sorted and organized by 4am and into the proof box. All of the frozen pastries that had to proof took up 3 carts... and we can only fit 2 in the double proofer... oops. once we were organized once more, production for market was ready at 8am. Thankfully, just in time for market to open and with Heather finishing up the last bit with the fried apple pies. 30 fried apple pies on our list out to market. Rob (my manager and leader of the bread team during the day) stares at the pastries, then checks the list. Then right as heather was talking to me, he shoves a whole pie in his mouth. This is a 3 inch in diameter and 6 inch width half moon pie filled with 2 ounces of diced up spiced apples fried and dipped in a sugary glaze. This man shoves the entire thing into his mouth and walks out cassual like nothing happened. Oh but it did. Something happened. Heather saw the entire thing and she got pissed. She told me what he did, and It really didn't suprise me. she asked me if she should bluntly and be an asshole about it to rob, "HOW WAS THAT FRIED PIE YOU ATE?" I just loled and went back to work.

I've noticed something lately. Since starting to work at this location and the weird hours. I've gotten little sleep, little to eat, and little bit of sun. I've noticed I have gotten paler from lack of water and nuturtion. And it's starting to show in my weight. My chest size has gotten smaller by 1/2 a cup but then again i never had big enough breast for it to notice. I dont eat at work because working with food doesn't make me hungry at all. Water is every now and then and if I bring my own filtered water cause i dont trust what comes out of the fossets at work. All I need now is to just become belimec and let the party start. woohoo.

So i switched my days. I no longer work on sunday, but I work on wednesday. as mentioned before. yay. So i'm pretty much shot in the middle of the week and practically on weekends. Social life... goodbye. and speaking of social life. Shawn found a place to play D&D at... now to just get him to go and join in.

so far i've been awake for 13 hours. let's see if i can hold out for another 24. Getting dressed and ready for Shannon & Joel's wedding, planning to fire the nerf gun at the groom and thus many of many video games. change of clothes... yes please.













i wish there was some food in my belly, only real thing i ate for a meal was last night at dinner...

What? Oh shit. I have to leave in 30 mins.